One Day at Akatsuki
by himayamata
Summary: This is one of the crazy days at Akatsuki. Deidara vs. jealous Pain. Kakuzu challenges Sasori. Zetsu is... singing? Find out what happened to the other members on that day. One-shot fanfic Read and enjoy


**My first fanfic... and yes, a one short fanfic. Just enjoy my sense of humor, even if it is not great like the others. **

One day at the Akatsuki base...

Tobi: Deidara, let's play Kakuzu, Konan and Sasori!  
Deidara: What's that?  
Tobi: It is just like Rock, Paper, Scissors! Let me explain. Kakuzu smashes Sasori with his black fists, Sasori slices Konan with his poison blades, Konan covers Kakuzu with paper bombs. Get it?  
Deidara: Okay.  
Tobi: Okay! Let's go! Kakuzu, Konan, Sasori! –picks Konan-  
Deidara: -picks Sasori- I win.  
Tobi: Again! Kakuzu, Konan, Sasori! –picks Konan again-  
Deidara: -picks Sasori- I win again.  
Tobi: Hey! Why are you always Sasori?  
Deidara: He's my partner. How about you? Why Konan?  
Tobi: She's hot!  
-Unexpectedly, Pain appears and starts showing his fists to Tobi-  
-Explosions and destruction-  
Kisame: What's going on?

Itachi: It is just our jealous leader. He is beating up Tobi to death because he called Konan "hot".  
Konan: Hey, Itachi. I want to tell you something... in _private_.  
Itachi: Sure.  
-Kakuzu and Sasori are playing poker-  
Sasori: -getting annoyed- Kakuzu, tell your **4** masked monsters to stop looking at my cards.  
Kakuzu: Well, tell your **100 **puppets to stop looking at mine first!  
-At the temple-  
Hidan: Oh, Jashin. Why? Why am I surrounded by psychos?  
-At the bar-  
Zetsu: _All by myself … Don't wanna be … All by myself… Anymore._

Itachi: This is private?  
Konan: Well, I want to tell you about **him**. -points at Zetsu-  
White Zetsu: _All by myself Don't wanna be All by myself Anymore_.  
Black Zetsu: Just shut the hell up! You already sang this song seven times!  
White Zetsu: I'm lonely.  
Black Zetsu: You have me.  
White Zetsu: Need a girl.  
Black Zetsu: To eat?  
White Zetsu: No.  
Black Zetsu: To slaughter?  
White Zetsu: No.  
Black Zetsu: To rape?  
White Zetsu: No.  
Black Zetsu: So what?  
White Zetsu: **I DON'T KNOW! I'M LONELY! **  
-At the living room-  
Pain: Nobody calls Konan "hot" but me and _Yahiko_!  
Tobi: Wait a minute! You are Yahiko!  
Pain: No! I'm Nagato! I mean, I'm **PAIN**!  
Tobi: No. You are Yahiko. You have your orange spiky hair, voice and body. You are Yahiko.  
Pain: I'm **NOT**! I'm Naga- I mean, **PAIN**! I AM **PAIN**!  
Deidara: A "pain" in the ass...  
Pain: -glares to Deidara-  
Deidara: Nothing to do here. -makes a clay jetpack-  
-Kakuzu and Sasori are now playing chess-  
Kakuzu: If I win, you will give me all your useless and weak puppets! All 100 of them!  
Sasori: And if I win, give me **ALL** your money.  
Kakuzu: Okay. Deal.  
-Prayer room-  
Hidan: Oh, Jashin! I want to kill Please! Give me someone to kill today! Just today…  
Kisame: Hidan! Watcha doing?  
Hidan: -sadistic smile- _Sushi._  
Kisame: What did you say? What's with that scythe, Hidan?

Hidan: Time to pray! Bless us, Oh Jashin, and these thy gifts which we are about to receive from thy bounty, through Jashin, my god. Amen. –he immediately attacks Kisame- **Sushi for lunch**!  
Kisame: -grins- Oh... Looks like _you're_ the lunch. -pulls out Samehada-  
-at the bar-  
White Zetsu: _All by myself Don't wanna be All by myself Anymore._  
Itachi: So you want me to stop them singing?  
Konan: Yes! I need some space, okay? I need some quiet time in my room.  
Itachi: What are you doing in your room?  
Konan: It is some... girl... _private_ time. You don't want to know.  
Itachi: Hmmm... Okay. -went to talk Zetsu-  
-Meanwhile at the sky-  
Deidara: You think, you are the most powerful guy in the world!  
Pain: I am **Pain**! I am **god**!  
Deidara: Shut up your mouth, yeah!  
Pain: You are freaking annoying! Every time you say something, you end your sentence with "**yeah**"!  
Deidara: That's right, yeah!  
Pain: **ENOUGH**! –His Asura Path launches his missiles-  
Deidara: The amount of bombs is **TOO DAMN HIGH**! _Yeah_.  
-fireworks at the sky-  
Tobi: OH! Nice!  
Kakuzu: **NOOO**! The pawn can't be turned into a _Queen_! **NO**! This is unfair!  
Sasori: Yahoo! I win!  
Kakuzu: Rematch!  
Sasori: Okay! Name it!  
Kakuzu: If I win, I want **ALL** my money back and your 100 puppets and your Hiruko.  
Sasori: Deal. If I win, wear this _suit_. -shows the **SUIT**-  
Kakuzu: Oh, hell no! I will win this! Also, if I win, you will wear **THAT** suit!  
Sasori: Deal!  
Tobi: Hey, guys! Watcha' doing?  
Kakuzu: Tobi! Name what you want.  
Tobi: What?  
Sasori: What?  
Kakuzu: That's the next match! Give Tobi what he wants. Name it, Tobi!  
Tobi: Umm... Dangos?  
-Kakuzu magically bought dangos-  
Sasori: (O.O) –surprised- How did you...? I took all your money!  
Kakuzu: Well, I have my emergency credit card!  
Tobi: Thank you, Kakuzu! I want shoes!  
-Kakuzu bought Nike-  
Sasori: (O.O) –shocked-  
Tobi: I want a phone!  
-Kakuzu bought iPhone-  
Sasori: (O.O) –confused-  
Tobi: I want a girl!  
-Kakuzu unexplainably captures Yugito Nii-  
Yugito: Hey! What is the meaning of this?  
Sasori: -realized that he lost-

Few minutes later...

-Inside Hiruko-  
Sasori: Life is unfair. Life is unfair. Life is unfair. -  
Kakuzu: Come out, Sasori! I want to see you with that **SUIT**!  
Sasori: NO! Leave me alone!  
Kakuzu: Yes! My _babies_! –He embraced all of _his_ money- Do you miss daddy?  
Tobi: ...and that's how I captured the _Sanbi_.  
Yugito: Wow. You are brave… and mysterious. I like mysterious guys.  
Tobi: Well... hehehe. I really practice a lot. But Deidara helped... a little.  
Yugito: I like that part when you created a small bomb and flipped that turtle just to stop it. That's amazing. Simply amazing.  
Tobi: -blushing- Hehehe...  
Deidara: Tobi! You liar! I'm the one who did all those stuff, not you!  
Pain: Don't change the subject!  
Deidara: Will you stop for one minute?!  
Pain: NEVER! -Animal Path summons the giant rhino-  
Deidara: I'm dead! –His jaws dropped-  
-The rhino drops on top of Deidara and his owl, brings them down to the meeting room-

-at the bar-  
Itachi: Zetsu, can you stop singing that song, please?  
White Zetsu: But... but...  
Black Zetsu: Listen to him! Listen or he is going to put **Amaterasu** on your ass!  
Itachi: Please.  
White Zetsu: Okay. -nod-  
-Itachi went back to Konan-  
Itachi: Mission Accomplished.  
Konan: Thanks.  
White Zetsu: _I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you. I know you were right, believing for so long._  
Black Zetsu: We are toast.  
Itachi: -Activates Mangekyou Sharingan-  
Black Zetsu: Alright! I'm out of here! -Separates from White Zetsu-

-At the prayer room-  
-water coming out-  
-prayer room door burst out by a massive tidal wave-  
Hidan: The almighty Jashin summoned the tidal waves that destroyed Atlantis! Repent! Repent!  
Kisame: Oops.  
-The tidal wave hits Kakuzu, Sasori, Tobi, Yugito, Zetsu, Konan and Itachi and washed them away to the meeting room-  
-Pain landed at the meeting room, calm and cool. He forgets everything that happened because he knows that he had won.-  
Pain: Okay. It's 3:00. There's a group meeting, everyone. But first, must check the attendance. Sasori?  
Sasori: Present.  
Pain: Deidara?  
Deidara: Prhmsemmt! –Still under the giant rhino-  
Pain: Kakuzu?  
Kakuzu: -Removing the water from his long black hair- Present. –saw all of his money on the water- My money! -picking up all the wet greens-  
Pain: Hidan?  
Hidan: -surprised when Kakuzu waved his hair just to remove the water- Holy Jashin... _lice_!  
Pain: Okay. He is here. Um... Tobi?

Tobi: I'm here! Oh, Yugito! You are all wet! Let me help you.  
Yugito: I'm fine. I'm totally fine.  
Pain: Kisame?  
Kisame: Here. I'm sorry for the mess. –Embarrassed-  
Pain: Yeah. Yeah. Sit down. Itachi?  
-Itachi gets up instantly, hair soaking wet. Later, Konan pop out next to him, fixing her cloak and hair.  
Itachi: Pre...present!  
Pain: What happened to you?  
Itachi: It was nothing! Nothing at all. –Turns red and looks away from Konan-  
Konan: -secretly smiling and touching her lips-  
Pain: Moving on. Konan?  
Konan: Present. –blushed-  
Pain: Are you okay?  
Konan: I'm fine. I'm fine. –Hiding her red face from Pain-  
Pain: Zetsu?  
Black Zetsu: Here.  
Pain: Where's White Zetsu?  
Black Zetsu: Still at the bar.  
White Zetsu: _You've got to get yourself together You've got stuck in a moment. And now you can't get out of it...  
_

Epilogue  
-few minutes ago-  
Itachi: -Activates Mangekyou Sharingan-  
Konan: Argh! That's it! I'll take him out myself! -pulls out a paper shuriken-  
Hidan: **REPENT! REPENT!**  
-tidal wave appeared-  
Itachi: Konan! Watch out! -protects Konan with Susanoo-  
-Hidan bumps Itachi's leg and the three were washed away and arrived at the meeting room-  
Itachi: -shocked- -saw himself on top of Konan and his lips touched hers-  
Konan: -poker face-  
Pain: ...Itachi?  
-Itachi gets up instantly, hair soaking wet. Later, Konan pop out next to him, fixing her cloak and hair.  
Itachi: Pre...present!  
Pain: What happened to you?  
Itachi: It was nothing! Nothing at all. –Turns red and looks away from Konan-  
Konan: -secretly smiling and touching her lips-  
At the bar  
Itachi: _I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick__  
_Tobi: _I kissed a girl just to try it, I hope my sempei don't mind it  
_Deidara: _It felt so wrong  
_Yugito: _It felt so right,_  
Konan: _Don't mean I'm in love tonight__  
_Itachi: _I kissed a girl and I liked it_  
White Zetsu: **I LIKED IT!  
**Black Zetsu: -facepalm-

**THE END**


End file.
